One of the key signs of a free and whole person, the master of his life is a high degree of spontaneity and arbitrariness in managing his own emotions. A person, on the other hand, constricted, insecure, “clogged” by society, expresses emotions only as a reaction to various external stimuli. He is like a puppet “twitching his arms and legs” when he is subjected to the appropriate controlling influence.
Of course, such a person cannot boast that he is living a quality and full life, because he simply does not rule over his life. Any “bad” news, any disapproving words of others immediately knock him out of the “rut” and it takes time for him to enter a stable emotional state again. Therefore, in order to really enjoy life requires learning to control their emotions.
What are our emotions
With regard to emotions, it is crucial to understand that they are a manifestation of our bioenergy. It is as much our natural component as blood or lymph. With the help of emotions, we interact with the surrounding reality, receive signals from it, make our own ideas, and make decisions. People who, as a result of brain injury, were deprived of the ability to experience emotions with them and the opportunity to make choices based on some or other subjective preferences. Logic did not help them in any way.
Emotionality, the ability to experience and experience different emotional tones makes us living and fulfilling beings. Any effective communication between people requires emotions, an emotional response. Creative work is also impossible if a person is not able to experience interest, passion, excitement, enthusiasm and so on.
In other words, we can’t go anywhere without emotions. The only question is what is the “managing center” in our lives – emotions or reason. Emotions can be deceived by slipping us a tasty (“sugar-saturated”), but harmful and even dangerous “food”, but the mind, armed with the ability to analyze and compare facts, is more difficult to deceive. And a mind armed with the ability to analyze and compare facts is more difficult to deceive.
It is important to understand that emotions are energetically stronger than reason and even reasonable, conscious people, having fallen under the influence of a strong emotion (hatred, anger, fear, thirst for profit, envy, lust, resentment, etc.) begin to commit reckless, irrational actions, which later bitterly regret. And all because they have not learned in due time to correctly manage their emotions.
Typical mistakes in controlling emotions…
In order to master your emotions properly, it is important to avoid mistakes that people make under the influence of stupid judgments and delusions learned from popular sites from incompetent bloggers. Pass free gre online practice tests to find out your temperament.
The first, most typical and common mistake in managing emotions is blocking them. That is, if I experience an emotion that I don’t want to experience at the moment, I need to shout “stop!” and drive it “back to the hangar”. That’s not gonna work out well. To natural stress you will add stress from suppressing an emotion that will hit your body, and in addition you will blow yourself out of reality and get different problems from it.
Repeating the mistake is “asphalt the radioactive waste pit.” It is when over a negative emotion (anger, rage, anger, despair) you pull up a false and hypocritical “smile” of positive mood. That you don’t really believe in. Because it’s just an idea that you were inspired by a variety of “gurus of personal growth. Again, the extra stress that hits your body.
The next mistake is to condone your emotions. Yelling when you’re angry. To get bored when you’re scared. Closing yourself up when you’re apathetic. Fighting like a child, hysterical. And so on and so forth. There’s nothing critical about this kind of behavior for the body, but this kind of irresponsibility in controlling your own emotions can come to you sideways. At least you won’t be taken seriously anymore.
The fourth mistake is to transfer to emotions all responsibility for what is happening in your life, to justify your words or actions by certain feelings. They say, “It’s not my fault – I got confused” (I was angry, tired, un-slept, etc.). This leads to the fact that a person, even considering that he owns himself, begins to easily go on about their emotions.
The last mistake is to strive at all costs to stay in a positive emotional state (“think positively”) by “twisting” yourself. Forcing yourself to be friendly, seem cheerful, fun, and so on. And sincerely believe that this is the way it is. Thus, you turn from reality into a pink virtual reality and begin to fight hard against the “hard edges” of life, which will stop seeing. Plus, you will very quickly exhaust yourself energetically.
In order to avoid these mistakes and learn to control your emotions, start doing simple but exceptionally effective exercises. Do them regularly if you expect to get a significant effect.
Exercise #1 – “Identification”.
The essence of this exercise is to understand what kind of emotion you are experiencing at a particular moment in time. Anger or resentment, fear or excitement, pure is an emotion or mixed.
Since the main thing in controlling an emotion is to observe it, in order to observe emotions qualitatively, you have to distinguish between them. To understand what emotions are, use the emotional status chart.
The exercise itself is quite simple – start to observe yourself and, noticing a change in the emotional background, just ask yourself “what is it? Ask until you have formulated a concrete answer.
Exercise #2, “Transfer to the body.”
Since any emotion is somehow projected onto the body, we can control the emotion by controlling or in any way manipulating the body. The essence of the exercise is that when you feel some unpleasant emotions boiling in you, you transfer it in your mind to some part of the body (for example, your fist), which is that there are forces first strain and then relax. And so several times. Until she lets go.
Another option is that you have the strength to tense the muscle and hold the tension as long as you have enough strength until the muscle itself begins to relax.
Exercise number three, “Breathe and exhale.”
When a stormy, strong, literally captivating emotion appears to you, it is almost impossible to consciously track and stop it to an ordinary person. Sharply flashed and immediately yelled at a loved one, and only then, with horror, realized what he had really done.
The only way out is an automatic reflex, which will immediately block a negative emotion when it burst. This reflex must consist of a deep breath and a slow exhalation. It’s got to be worked out at home. (for example, with the help of the “Russian System of Self-discipline”). The reflex is developed by regular training, i.e. regular performance of the next exercise – you reactivate some negative (for example, remembering how you were scolded by your boss), and immediately make a deep breath and slow exhalation. And so several times a day for 3 months. After that you will do it all on the machine.
Exercise #4, “Virtual Game.”
Any experience includes not only the emotion itself, the accompanying bodily sensation and thoughts (pleasant or not), but also a picture (vague or distinct, symbolic or real, linked to a past experience or association). In this way, we can control and influence the emotion through a certain image.
To do this, visualise the emotion, set its size, shape, colour, weight, density and start to play it out – try to change its colour or shape or size. You can visualize it as a liquid and pour it from glass to glass.
“High league” in emotion management.
The difference between an ordinary person and a really advanced Master, who owns himself, is that the Master is able not only to control all his emotional spectrum and background states, but also to create and experience any emotion arbitrarily. To experience joy, conciliation, sadness, light sadness, serenity, passion and so on. Then whenever he wants and as much as he wants.
Online gre course on controlling emotions
Of course, like any real skill, achieving such a degree of arbitrariness is not a week, not a month or even a year of hard work on yourself. This is a long practice in which, as in any other type of activity, requires 4 key elements: desire, diligence, effective technique and competent mentor. If the first two you have – you really want to be a free and happy person and are ready to work on it – then you can come to me in personal coaching to get high quality techniques and professional mentoring. Online gre course on how to keep your emotions